This is it! The time has come for us to start taking our son around to visit some colleges. I never thought I was going to be one of those moms that were so overwhelming, controlling, and annoying that their own child does everything in their power to avoid having contact with them...but I have! I keep questioning him as to what he wants to major in...and then I find myself asking him a couple more times if he's sure that's what he wants to major in. I've been scheduling college tours to colleges that aren't even in his list to go see, I'm comparing each school to make sure he'll be attending a great college, and I'm even checking out other school where he may (or I may LOL) want to attend for grad school.
When was the last time you've sat down and researched the cost of tuition for college? If you're around my age, that's somewhere around 25 years ago!!!! Yeah, I said it...25 years ago! Well, tuition has gone quite a bit up since then, and they're not running any "sales" anytime soon. The average yearly tuition for St. John's University is $36,450 a year...add on $13,000 for room and board....now multiply that by 4 years and that's a whopping $197,800! I can't speak for anyone else's child, but I can tell you that my child does not have $197,800....or even a job at the moment.
So, what's a mother to do? Do I spend countless hours planning out my sons future or do I take a step back and allow him to do the research, and come to me when he wants guidance?
As a mother, I can speak for most mothers when I say that intuitively we know when we need to back off and when we need to step up for our child. I believe in my heart that my son is going to succeed in everything he does in life. He's an "A" student, has always been on the honor roll, did very well on his SAT exam, and he has an idea as to what major he may want to get into when he starts applying for colleges. So why am I so obsessed in his search for colleges?
As a coach it is easy for me to see that this has something to do with me and not our son. Although I did go to college after high school, I didn't choose a career that I loved. Most of us didn't. I also chose a local college, which didn't give me the opportunity to live on my own and experience campus life. Later in life when I chose to change my degree so I can have the career that I've always wanted, I had a lot of things to take into consideration, as an adult, before I made the financial decision to go back. With all this being said, I want our son to experience all the fun college life has to offer, make memories and friends to last a lifetime, and to be so happy with his career choice!!!!! In other words, not make the mistakes I made.
Ugh, that's a lot of pressure I'm putting on myself...and I'm sure I'm not the only mother doing it. The thing is, we all had to make choices in life and some may not have been the best! lol I can sit here all day and think of 1,000 ways we could have done things differently...but it's a total waste of time and energy, because those choices that I made years ago, whether poor or not, lead me to where and who I am today...and I'm totally happy with my life!!!! My son's life is HIS life and not mine. I need to trust that he will pick a college that right for him, make smart choices with who he associates with in college, and will know what career path will make him want to get up for work every day to make a difference.
Preparing and sending our children off to college doesn't have to be chaotic. We want to enjoy this experience together with them and yes, it is possible. Every time you find yourself getting a little crazy like I was, stop and breathe, recognize why you're feeling the way you are and switch it around to make it about your child and not you.
No comments:
Post a Comment